sexonatable's Diaryland Diary

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Just cant shake the men..why?

So... I saw keith yesterday.. Look in older entries for an answer if you need it LOL Anyway... He looked terrbile really long hair beard yuck... But I so missed him! Apparantly he has a *fuck buddy* shes like 110 lbs and shes an alcoholic which... I dont enjoy because I wish that he would date someone not an alcoholic and and SHES BIPOLAR I was like umm honey you need to keep away from that shit!!! LOL besides the fact that I was mad jealous for no reason at all!! I have no reason to be I dont want him I just dont want him to have a gf because im evil. But honestly why do I care? I think because I just want everyone to want me. hehehe I like being wanted. Plus I want the option of having someone if I want them! I might have grew up but I dont think that is something I will ever grow out of. O and I saw Paul again refer to old entries!! He was totally completley dressed like a woman :) and he said well as you can see I am doing what I want dressing how I want and you know who it is because of right and I said me and he said thats right hehe. So you know its real amazing to find that I can influence peoples lives and make them happy. Ofcourse its not my choice for him to be womanly LOL But thats truely what he REALLY REALLY wanted so.. I told him a long time ago fuck everyone and do what you want if thats what makes you happy do it! And he did... and ofcourse Dexter was so shy and conservitave until he met me now hes more outgoing. I would love to know who elses life I have changed. I guess theres no reason for me to want to die because I positivly influence peoples lives. I like that. I mean ya some ways are odd but if I can make people be who they want to be then I guess I am doing something good right. Now on another note I need to go apply for this thing to go to school and for some reason I CANT MAKE MYSELF DO IT!! AM I being lazy or do I just not care that I need to go to school to be happy?
I am not really sure I think I am kind of like in a comfort zone and Im afraid to leave it no matter how unhappy I am but damnit its screwing up my life... I think tomorrow Im going I will drag myself if I have to this is stupid there are so many things I need to do with myself and all I can do is sit here and watch opprotunities fly out the window. Also as for Jerry I have basically not been running every chance we have together... I dont know why... I want to see him but I just get so sick of the same thing we see each other we fuck we dont just hang out or go do something together we FUCK!! not that thats bad but I want to do something more for a change... hes annoying LOL So diary.. I think that concludes my entry for the day more soon...It feels good to write in here again.

12:32 p.m. - 2009-06-16

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