sexonatable's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The meaning of life Why must one love? As I grow older I have come to realize that it could be over before the sun rise we could all be gone just another name and another face in a picture that someone weeps over. As we get older we start to loose the people we truely care about. But do those people know how you feel about them? Or are they just the one's who think they are just another fuck that you wrote down in your book of sex? Do these people understand that you do care about them and you will be all most injured to loose them. People are dying all around me and it took time to realize but I should enjoy life and treasure every breath that I take in. I should live out my dreams and be the best like everyone expects me to. Not because they expect it but because It is my goal. My biggest fear which only one person knows now is that I will become a drunk and not accomplish what I have set out to accomplish. It is so important to me to live out my dreams I am afraid that I will fuck them all up with one weekend of partying. I must not become dependant on alcohol or screw up my life. I do believe that god put me on this earth to teach the youth of America (and bartend at my bar on the side) I also believe that anyone can accomplish anything all they have to do is try. But why do I feel so low when I look around me and see the people I have grown to love dying right there before my eyes. There is only one other person in the world that I care for as much as I do my sweet Jim. I'm not talking about like family caring I'm talking about the kind of caring that you do when your in love with someone. No I'm not in love with Jim though I know I some day could be if he gave me the chance but I do love him with all of my heart and I am not ready to just let him go out of my life. I don't want him to die in 6 months or ever. I will be 18 the age I have so long waited for I don't want to see my buddy leave the earth. He scares me though people of our 1st world country would spit on him and walk all over him calling him useless he's not he is human like us all. Just because he messed up his life it doesn't make him any less of a person than George Bush so what if he decided to blow his life up his nose or smoke it in a pipe. He's still one of my favorite people. I love the man. If the day comes that he wants to be with me honestly I would put every man behind me for someone who the world would call useless. Sammi 7:11 p.m. - 2003-04-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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