sexonatable's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Old lady rambles Random update. It's now September. I'm almost 37. Next weekend. How the hell did that happen? I'm so confused. Sometimes I wish I was that 17 year old girl I read about in these entries....but maybe with the sense I have now. I miss the spirit and the attitude and sass. Though I still have it has certainly quieted through the years. Life is pretty good I think. I have moved into a new place since my last entry. Still living alone. Who knew how nice that would be! There are times when it's lonely. But for the most part I don't think I hate it. Things with the guy are kind of magical lol. Last entry we were creeping on "the decision" At the time he was to make that choice he didn't chose me and said he couldn't. I felt destroyed and heart broken. But I wasn't ready for our story to be over or to just let him go. So I made a list of conditions about how things would need to be if we moved forward and for about two months I tried. It was so sooo hard. Then one night when I was upset and ready to give up he told me that we are going to do this. HE PICKED ME. HE PICKED US. There is a plan in place we are working on. I had just signed a lease so I told him he has time and we have a lot to figure out. He's telling her in December so it gives us enough time to look for a house if need be. It's been a long road with us. We have been doing this for two years. It's been 1 year since we became "official" as official as we can be anyway. It's funny because with Jerry when I wanted him to leave I knew her and she is just a horrible miserable person so I didn't feel any guilt or care. But this time I don't know her and I am sure she is a completely nice person. They just kind of grew apart I think and since he has met me he has found something he didn't know existed or that he could have. This isn't really I would want to do this or begin a relationship. Neither one of us expected it or that we would have been leaving the people we were with. But I don't know. I think he's my guy. He might just be the one who is my forever person. It's still tough because I thought that's what I had when I got married. We still talk and hang out on regular basis and sometimes I look at him and wonder what happened or if I was wrong. But then I remember how things got and how unhappy we became. I was already long gone before I got on that dating site and met my guy. I had checked out completely and just didn't know it. Sometimes having everything you ever thought you wanted turns out to not be what you want at all I guess. I thought I had it all and for a while I did. I couldn't figure out why I felt the way I did when I spent my entire life wanting to be where I was. Things are a lot different now. I may not have a house or a husband. But I have a boyfriend who is pretty damn amazing and participates in all my random adventures. We do a lot of stuff together which is a big thing I missed. He is always cheering me on and listening to me when I need someone to talk to and he tries. When I say I need something or want something in our relationship he makes a big effort to do it. We don't really argue. I'm pretty sure he has never raised his voice to me. Not once. Plus he's got a beard and a Harley. What more could a girl want? Hehehe oh and a perfect penis! Sooo yeah I'd say I am one very very lucky girl. Okay at this point I'm rambling. Pretty sure it's been 100 years since I have made an entry this long. It's late I should be sleeping!! I will try to write more before to long. 12:52 a.m. - 2022-09-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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