sexonatable's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Life..as we all know it Diary Diary Diary... We have been through a lot over the years huh! Well now theres just one more obstacle we are going to over come together. My Great Grandma has been in the hospital for a few days now. She now has blood on her brain and she's not doing so well. My mom is constantly thinking about it and talking about it and driving me into a distress because she just keeps talking about it. It's starting to drive me nuts. I want to get out of the house but theres no where for me to go. There is no where to run no where to go and be by myself nothing that I can do to get away from it all. Tomorrow my baby is going to come and visit me. I want him to spend more than an hour with me. I want him to hold me and talk to me, I want him to just let me hug him and let him kiss the top of my head and rub my arm like he always does. I don't know how he does it but he always understands how I feel he knows how I am feeling with out me saying any words. I just lay across him and he holds me and we are silent. But he knows somethings wrong. It's like he has this radar and he understands me for that I love him more. I don't know it's like every time someone dies or gets sick I go into my own world and look at everyone and everything around me and wonder why lifes such a vicious cycle. Everyone is born crying into the world with lot's of lights and confused by who these strange faces are. We live for years and years sometimes... Experiencing pleasure as well as lot's of pain. We continue this way until we die either easily taken or we suffer until the Lord decides it's our time. Every time someone who is loved by me gets ill or dies I go into a different world. I go inisde of myself and find thoughts and feelings and just look around me. I also keep everything away from everyone. No one knows how I feel about anything I refuse to talk to anyone about it and how I feel I refuse to upset anyone over how I feel. The only person I tell anything to is my baby because he listens and talks to me and I know that no matter what I say he has the right answer. My mom she just keeps talking about it and driving me nuts I want to tell her to shut up but shes trying to keep herself sane and if I yell at her she will only get worse and break down. I hate life sometimes everyone is so on edge and I have no way to escape it! 11:42 p.m. - 2005-06-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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